Last Wednesday I went up in the loft of the barn to look for a heat lamp and found the remains of our bantam rooster, Mr. T. A raccoon had moved into our barn loft and must of caught Mr. T at some point the week before. Life and death are an ever present reality on the farm but the real struggle here was my disappointment with myself.
A month of so before Mr. T had gone missing for a couple of days only to turn up without his tail feathers. I found the feathers in the barn but had thought it was a feral cat or something and didn't check any further. Had I poked around a bit more i would have realized that "something!" had a made nest in the huge pile of old cornstalks I left up in the loft. Now I left left the straw and cornstalk pile in the loft because there wasn't an easy way to get it out. It's been up there for two winters because I haven't wanted to take the time and effort to fork all the junk out so I just made a big mound and left it until we get around to fixing up the barn more thoroughly.
Clearly a mistake. If I had looked further I would have realized that we had a predator living in our barn that needed dealing with before we were expecting a big hatching of bantam chicks and a delivery of hatchery chicks to our brooder which is also in our barn. But I didn't. Learning to take a bit more time when something is amiss will only help me be a better farmer, mother, and wife and I hope to take this lesson to heart.
But for me the even bigger lesson is to let the disappointment roll on over me and past. Yes, I could have looked around and perhaps saved Mr. T's feathery little life but I didn't, I don't have a time machine, so I need to let it go. Not allowing my frustration with myself to spill over into the rest of my life is one of the most important skills I am trying to learn. I will make mistakes it's what I do in the aftermath that makes all the difference.
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24