First off, let's be clear, I am not really a farmer. This is true for many reasons, not the least of which is that I do not make my living from the land. My husband brings in the paycheck even though I bring in the bacon, literally. I am still a beginner, a glorified gardener/large pet owner. My goal is to get to the place where the farm pays for itself, but this adds a layer of anxiety about marketing, products, consumers, taxes, incorporating, what will work/what won't, on top of the challenges of animals, plants, disease, pests, predators, weather and myriad other uncontrollable factors.
Can I ever really be a farmer? It's sort of like will I ever be "from around here"? Probably not, you may have to be born to it, but there are many, many other people like myself that are late to the game, but very willing to give it a go.
I was watching a Youtube post by Justin Rhodes called "Dreams Do Come True -Again" about the delivery of their new milk cow, Violet. What stuck me was the anxiety that Justin confessed. This was not their first milk cow, Justin and his family just completed a year long tour of farms across all fifty states, they've seen it all, yet he was still a bit nervous about the delivery, the weight of the truck on soft earth, the gates, the temperament of the cow,... Wait! What? These are my thoughts, these are the things that wake me up in the night!
I am suddenly realizing that even Amish farmers, like Larry and Leonard from the last post, who have "seen everything" haven't! Justin Rhodes is a Youtube sensation on his channel Abundant Permaculture, but he still gets butterflies when preparing for new livestock. I am not an anomaly, this is just what it's like to farm. When your life is partnering with weather, animals, nature, and God you had better be prepared to be surprised and often confounded. Farming is an interplay of complex, dynamic, living systems no one ever said it was easy, but it is awesome. I am not sure why this is such a load off my mind, but it is!