Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you
not perceive it? I am making a way in the
wilderness and streams
in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-20
“Love Story”
Beginnings are always exciting, do you remember going shopping for new school things? New shoes, new backpack or lunchbox. What about the beginning of summer vacation, or the start of a trip…When I met Mike it was exciting. I drove four hours one long ago Valentine’s day, all the way to Penn State to surprise Mike with a handmade book, a chronicle of our relationship and dreams for our future. We still have that little decoupaged keepsake. Mike, for his part, took immense time and energy to make me elaborate and beautifully worded cards and letters created with layers of handmade paper and vellum. Love is like that.
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov proposed that the intense phase of infatuation at the beginning of a relationship be called limerance instead of, “falling in love”. It doesn’t last and in fact it can’t last. The obsessive, consuming nature of the first flush of romance makes everyday life impossible. Would you want to be in a plane with a pilot in the throes of limerence, “Gee I can’t get her off of my mind… what was that about wing flaps?”
New Year’s resolutions are a lot like limerence; romantic notions that get shattered by the everyday demands of regular life. They are ideals born out a moment, when the year seems shiny and new, we feel invincible, and so we make all kinds of resolutions… I will learn a new language, lose 20 pounds, exercise everyday, eat healthy, write letters to all my friends, I’ll finally read War and Peace…
But then reality sets in and the romance is over. It usually takes about a month but before we know it we’ve forgotten or given up. Studies show that about 80% fail to keep their resolutions (77% fail to keep New Year’s resolutions and 66% of those give up by the end of the first month said respondents to a Guardian poll) www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2015/dec/31/how-long-do-people-keep-their-new-year-resolutions
In our exuberance, we often go at this the wrong way. Year after year, we lose sight of what makes change possible and instead hope that enthusiasm will carry the day. It won’t. Limerance must transform into faithful, mature, steady love for a relationship to endure and in the same way our resolutions must be submitted to God and prayed over so that they can become a part of us.
We often make too many resolutions; we can’t change everything at once but still we try.
We often resolve the wrong things; we need to be willing to invest time and energy to make changes. There is no way around this, but the often the things we resolve, while desirable, are not things we’re willing to sacrifice for.
Maybe, we need to resolve something that is truly worth investing in and perhaps rather than addressing symptoms of the problem we need to get real about the root causes. If we want to write to all our friends, what is it we are seeking and why are we lacking that? If I want to exercise everyday am I too busy or is that not really something I care about? Do I feel like my life is missing something? Do I need to grow? Are there issues in my life that undermine my good intentions?
The prophet Isaiah, discusses the root causes of what has gone wrong for the nation of Israel. Israel is God’s love, His Bride, but instead of remaining faithful to Him, Israel has chased after false gods, abandoned truth for lies and fallen in love with pleasure and selfish desires. As a result, Israel is experiencing discipline from God, judgement intended to bring her to her senses. What about us? Is God our first love still?
Tomorrow we will explore how our relationship with God has a direct connection to the whether or not we find ourselves stuck in old patterns and habits or growing and maturing.